Stick With It

An interaction on the forums between forum members Camus and user29029.

Camus ~ 

A handful of you will probably remember seeing my name on roll with you all last year, but I rarely talked with anybody so the name probably doesn’t ring too many bells. Regardless of that, I wanted to come in here and apologize for quitting on the group and caving. I certainly didn’t do my part as a fun bag and I failed pretty much everybody, including myself. I’ve been quit for 7 days now and hadn’t joined a new group, mostly because I was scared to have to come back and face everybody as a caver. I’ve decided to jump back in but I suppose I owe you some sort of explanation, so I’ll answer the three questions and then after today I’ll post in support of you guys.

What happened and why? I caved mostly out of pure laziness, but also a big part of it was I failed to be a brother to everyone here. I didn’t care to reach out to anybody and never really got back with those who reached out to me. I was hardly a contributing member on here besides posting roll, so the lazy attitude didn’t take long to extend into my quit once I stopped posting. I made a promise to stick with it until the end with this group and I gave up on everyone for almost no reason. I just convinced myself life would be more comfortable without posting roll, quitting, etc. I was weak and the position I put myself in didn’t afford opportunities for someone else to help me out.

So, what will I do differently? I wish more than anything I could go back in time and change my behavior before it was too late, because I know exactly what I need to do differently. I’m going to have go against my introverted nature and get numbers and become involved with others. I’ll have people to hold me accountable and force me to remain honest. It is probably the most repeated piece of advice that there is, but I just never listened to it before.

It SUCKS when I look at how many days I could have right now when I see the numbers you are all putting up. But i’ll use it as motivation to win this time. I’m SICK AND TIRED of losing to nicotine. Congrats to you all for all the hard work you’ve put in and again, I’m sorry I bailed on you. It was lame of me to do that.

user29029 – 

You’ve gotten some great feedback here, I hope you take it to heart. It is definitely easier now, with lots of days of changed habits behind, but it always haunts and lurks. I watched the NCAA Championship game with a friend of mine who quit chew probably two years before I did. He was one of the inspirations to me to quit, even though we never discussed it. I couldn’t believe he quit, and I figured it was something I should pay attention to. During the game, he pulled out a can of Cope. It was as if he pulled out a loaded gun and set it on the table – it was that shocking and jarring to see. I said “Whoa, what’s going on there?” He said “Yeah, you want some? I only chew pouches now, and only when I’m drinking. But I should quit again.” I know he read me, and when I turned him down, he didn’t say anything else.

I will follow up with him, but here is the thing – I could hound him to quit, but quitting is about ourselves, not someone else. If we don’t willingly sign up with a group like this, who will keep us accountable, and from whom we welcome input, we are on our own. Like I said, I will follow up, but I’ve told the group of jackasses in October that I quit with them, and I want their accountability. He never asked me for the same. He is my friend, so I will mention it, but he doesn’t have to tell me every morning that he quit all over again. You tell me – do you think he will really quit again, and make it stick, just going the way he is? You already know the answer, since you decided once to go it alone.

I’m glad you came back, because you are a reminder to us of how valuable and rare this is. I don’t have another group of people like this in my life. I have friends, sure. But I keep intimate shit like this to myself, and I imagine the rest of this group is similar. King Nothing lost his brother recently. I thought about him every day for weeks, and texted him like a girlfriend. I’m not the kind of person to do that for my best friends. On this site, we get to drop our guards. This is more than just a place to log your days and heap shit on cavers. This will be woven into the fabric of your core, if you let it. And believe me, you want to have what we have. Stick with it this time, brother.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum members Camus & user29029