Surviving My Quit – Gonna Keep Doing It
My courting of the NIC-BITCH basically began in my adolescence (around 13). It was at an age when kids start experimenting with “bad” stuff and you basically start making decisions as to what friends your gonna have and what group you want to be associated with. Right away I knew I didn’t want to hang around my “friends” who were trying cigarettes BUT…..chewing tobacco was a whole different story.
See, I was an athlete. Athletes don’t drink, don’t smoke, BUT ALLLLLLL the baseball players chewed tobacco SO it couldn’t be that bad for you, right? I walked down to the drug store, bought a plug of chewing tobacco and started chewing. Within 5 minutes I wanted to puke. I felt dizzy and sick but DAMN did I look cool! Plus, I was doing something “bad” that wasn’t “that” bad.
The chew habit lasted about a week and it wasn’t until a year later in high school that a football teammate of mine offered me some Kodiak. I tried it while we were jogging. The “buzz” hit me about 5 minutes later and I was ready to kick his ass because I thought he spiked it with something. It was horrible, but once the laughing died down and my teammates finally convinced me that the “buzz” I felt was normal I wasn’t pissed.
Eager to feel that buzz again (now knowing that it was normal), I tried it again the next day. I was starting to like it, buzz and all.
I continued it through wrestling season as I was sure it would help me drop weight (all the spitting and all) and kept it up throughout my freshman year. The only thing that sucked about my continuous use was that I no longer got that “buzz”. After my freshman year I quit and didn’t resume until my senior year. And then the addiction kicked in with a vengeance!
At 18 years old I started using about 1 tin of skoal long cut wintergreen about every 2-3 days or so. By the time I was 21 I was using at least 1 tin a day. By 35 I was up to 3 tins a day!!!! Of course I tried many times to quit. On my 21st birthday, 25th birthday, 30th birthday, before my wedding, after my son was born, etc., etc, etc.
At 37 my son was now 4 years old. Neither my wife, stepdaughter, or son had ever seen me dip. I was definitely a closet dipper. I did all the stuff I hear other guys on this sight do: dipped in my car, in the bathroom, snuck out of the house in the middle of the night to buy a tin, left dip spit cans all over my car, had to use mouthwash and gum all the time to conceal my “dip breath”, lied to my dentist, scrapped money off the floors of my car to buy a tin, poured the reminenece out of several tins into one tin just to get a dip, etc., etc., etc. It was getting ridiculous. I started seaching on the net for help and came across this sight. It was the best thing I ever did! I felt like I was destined to die from mouth cancer before I came to this sight. I dipped for 20+ years and couldn’t stop. 3 tins a day for the last 5 years!!!! I myself can’t believe it. When people comment on why smokers can’t “just quit” I understand. Nicotine is a VERY addictive drug. It probably the most widely used and addictive drug in the entire world. The fact that I was able to quit with the help of this sight is amazing.
I just want to send a major THANK YOU to everyone in my group that sent e-mails to me when I didn’t post, sent phone numbers to me when I was practically crying from withdrawal, and most of all for sharing their misery with me and not allowing me to give in. You guys are great and myself and my family thanks all of you.
-irongpj
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member irongpj
