The Circle of Life as a Quitter

This weekend I visited my wife’s uncle at the VA hospital. He has stage 4 cancer (not from tobacco use) and did not tell anyone that he was sick. He sort of went off the grid for a while until someone went to check on him at hit apartment, they found him on the floor and called 911. We learned this weekend that he had been diagnosed in April this year and refused treatment due to the advanced stage of the cancer. He is a proud man, a teacher, a philosopher, and ALWAYS had an opinion to share.

I’m not writing this to get any sympathy or start a long string of responses. I simply need a place to write what I’m feeling.

Uncle was always a “rock” in the family and when my wife’s father passed away before we were married, the uncle was the one who walked my wife down the isle and gave her to me. To see this man dying in a VA hospital bed is one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. Honestly, I hope he does not suffer any longer. It really put into perspective for me the terrible fucking results of cancer. For anyone reading this who has lost someone close to them to cancer, you have my deepest sympathy.

All I can do now is hope his suffering will end soon. I will also stay quit from using tobacco to hopefully spare my wife an children a similar experience if I were to get cancer. I would not want anyone to have to go through this.

I purposely left this post out of my quit group. We entered the HOF month today and have our first train passenger boarding. Do not want to bring a dark cloud to the celebration.

If there is a God, please take Uncle D as soon as possible to end his suffering.

Fuck cancer and everything that causes it.

Update on my “circle of life”…..

After last weeks experience with uncle D, we visited family again over the weekend. This time for a new birth. What is truly amazing is that baby J was born 8 weeks too early and has resided in the NICU (baby ICU) for the past 8 weeks. The baby has a tracheotomy and is on a ventilator and a few other “minor issues” that will go away in time. Truly amazing this little guy is alive and kicking strong. He even spent a few hours while we were there off the assisted ventilator! THAT is a big deal. He is going to be fine over time and he will someday be running around and writing on walls with crayons!

So the reason I’m posting this? Well, I’m enjoying a moment of reflection that I feel is a good example of the circle of life. Some of us come into this world fighting and others are leaving while they fight. In some cases there are fighters who have to fight while coming AND going.

What I learn from this and apply to my quit is this. All of us here are fighting an addiction to nicotine, that I know for sure. But we really do have total control of what we do and what we do not do, it’s a choice. And today I chose to be nicotine free and to also support others to stay quit. This is my fight today. For Uncle D and baby J, I quit today for me by taking inspiration from you!!!

(I suppose this no longer needs to be in the Git Yer Bitch on Section, eh?)

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member J-Heff