The First 100 of 100’s

My quit… I’m not sure you want to know how my quit went. It might make some of you that haven’t quit yet too afraid to do it. So keep in mind, I was a very weak girl, and I did it.

In June 2008, I begin the journey of “permanent” weight loss. I knew it was permanent because it was going to be done the only way that works, diet and exercise. Many people choose rewards for when they hit their goal. My reward was to quit chewing.

Not surprisingly, it took me 4 months to lose the last 5 pounds. I did not want to quit chewing. I hid it, so no one thought I was gross. It wasn’t very expensive, especially when they dropped the price a couple of bucks a can. It felt and tasted wonderful. The only negative was crap in my teeth, hiding my habit, and the possibility of losing half of my face.

On June 23rd, I finally hit my goal weight, and as I promised myself I would do, I quit chewing on July 6th.

I had tried to quit before. I’d only make it a day or two. I had tried gum, patches, and Chantix, and none of them worked. I thought it was hopeless for me. I am generally one of the weaker people I know, incapable of experiencing pain without making sure everyone around me is aware of my hurting, and looking for any possible escape.

Yet I did it. Yep, poor, miserable, whining me. Removing nicotine from your life leaves you having to figure out how to live life in an entirely different way. Some people, like myself, fight it every step of the way.

I started my quit in the midst of my first heart break. I was not handling it well, and my doctor had given me anti-depressants and the go-ahead to quit chewing anyways. So I quit. I promised myself, and there was no other choice. I had support from KTC, but I was angry about the vulgarity on the site.

I ended up fitting right in. I got in fights with anyone who would fight with me. I called and cried to anyone who would listen.

Around Day 20, I started having panic attacks. Back to the doctor for Valium. Now I was feeling like I was crazy on top of being depressed, heart broken, and angry at my KTC supporters. I hated Jaydisco. Nogreenbear too. Well, there was actually a pretty long list of the hated.

I’m not exactly comfortable telling this next part, but I am going to anyways because I hate when people hide from the tough stuff in their lives, leaving those of us who struggle to feel all alone. And, for those that become weak and think their situation is too difficult to quit, or those that choose to cave because life is too hard. (We had one of those in our otherwise awesome October group.)

Around Day 45, I became very depressed and anxious and I posted my troubled feelings. I received many helpful emails from my wonderful KTC friends. I eventually made the decision to admit myself to the hospital.

I called Skoal Monster every day and gave him my promise to stay quit. Even Willy, in Iraq, is able to post. When you are in the Nut House, believe me, you CANNOT post.

In the Psych Ward, they called 11 smoke breaks a day. The patients were nice enough to offer me cigarettes every time a break came. They all thought I should cave under the circumstances. I called Skoal Monster and asked him to let me cave. If anyone had a good reason to cave, certainly it was me. He said no. From the lobby phone in the Looney Bin, he comforted me and made me laugh by telling me I was just doing what all the stars were doing.

I was off work for 3 weeks and had to re-adjust to life. But, I made it through that phase. The crazy one. There are many. Somehow you make it through them all. I would do it all over again to still be quit. I would do whatever it took.

I received good news when I went to the psychiatrist at day 70. He was shocked when I told him I used to chew. He couldn’t believe what I had made it through, and he told me he believed I was an exceptionally strong, absolutely healthy individual that did NOT need any medication. No more Valium, no more anti-depressants. I fought the nic bitch and won.

I’m not saying it has been easy since then. I am still going through some tough times, but I will keep going through them, chew-free.

It may sound cliche, but it’s true – What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I am no longer that wimpy little weak girl. I am now a proud, bad-ass, extreme KTC quitter for life.

I am worried about listing the KTC supporters that I absolutely love, because I might forget one and then I would feel terrible, and I’ve had enough of that in the last 100 days already. So I decided just to list the supporters that I burdened the most, because it would be wrong not to.

Skoal Monster – You never let me leave KTC, you lifted me up, made me laugh, and listened when I cried.

Jaydisco – You taught me a huge lesson in forgiveness. You made my quit fun and allowed to me release ALL of my anger on you before becoming my very dear friend.

SWJ – You are the funniest guy on KTC. You supplied me with the best medicine –laughter. You are better than Cocaine, better than laughing gas, better than….

JpCrew – My first and forever KTC friend. Always there, always positive, always caring.

BigBrotherJack – The name says it all!

Markr and Rkymtnman – I have to mention both of you because the way you supported me was so awesome. Emailing every week or two or if you thought I was struggling, has been such a kind gesture. I have known since the very beginning of my quit that you were watching out for me. I know that you burdened YOURSELVES to keep an eye on me, and that means so much.

I have so many KTC friends, and you all know who you are without me writing your names. You probably like me more than the guys above because I didn’t burden the crap out of you like I did them. Please do not feel like you are any less than those mentioned.

I would never forget the entire October group of awesome, beautiful, strong, considerate, supportive men, and fizzle.  I love every one of you. We are the elite Octo quitters.

Forever I will be proud to be quit with you.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member justkeepdancing