The News

In my profile on the the Names and Faces page of killthecan.org I listed my reason for quitting as “Too many people very close to me have had (winning) battles with cancer.” I have heard “the news” several times that folks very close to me have been diagnosed with some form of cancer or could possibly have cancer.  I wanted to share one of the more scary times, I’ll explain why in a bit.

Shortly after Christmas a few years ago, my wife got sick with what seemed like the flu.  She couldn’t hold anything down, had no energy, and basically only traveled from the bed to bathroom and back.  After 3 days, I got really worried…well I hadn’t yet realized what really worried was….and forced her to the doctors.  They were fairly certain that they were dealing with a gall stone and ordered an ultrasound.  I could tell from the tone of the tech while they were doing the ultrasound that it was no gall stone.  We progressed in tests from that to an endoscopy to a CT Scan etc.  Now remember, this is between Christmas and New Years so it’s all happening VERY slowly.  Then on New Years Eve, we got “the news”.  She had a tumor the size of a softball on her pancreas.

All I knew about pancreatic cancer was that it was the worst, fastest, and least discriminate type of cancer anyone could get.  I spent that night wondering how my barely 30 year old wife could be in this state.  How was I going to take care of 2 kids or myself for that matter? I actually even thought that I might have to quit tobacco so I didn’t orphan my kids.  (yes, that’s how the mind of an addict works, I considered that on the same par with those other things).  And of course I had horror and worry that I don’t posess the ability to put to words.  I watched a New Year brought in with fire works out of the window of a hospital through teary eyes as I tried to convince myself things were going to somehow be okay.  I’ll never forget it.  That wasn’t the end of the horror and worry, but the good news is that my wife survived a very risky operation to remove half her pancreas and the tumor that turned out to be benign.  They’re watching it, but no one seems all that worried about it anymore. I consider it nothing less than a miracle.

So what’s this got to do with quitting? At some point after all this happened, I realized that every time I filled my face with crap I was inviting that exact experience for her.  I was making a conscious decision to put a substance in my body that would cause that very same thing.  So whether you’re reading this as a motivation to stay quit or looking for a reason to quit, consider being the reason for news like this.  You have to quit for yourself, but think about those around you as well.

I know I’m progressing from web log to novel so I’ll end with this…keep that shit outta your piehole!

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member 11×4