The Silent Quit

Everyone who dips knows what the end result is. It’s the fear we have all lived with since about five years into our habit when we said “Hey, this shit might give me cancer.” But we kept dipping anyway.

Fact is, I loved to dip. It reminded me of the good times with my friends and being in the outdoors. I loved the taste of Skoal Long Cut Wintergreen right after I brushed my teeth. I loved to throw in a fatty and get some work done. I looked forward to going to football practice after school so I could hoss it up and spit on the ground. But always, in the back of my head was the fear.

Then I had a dream. My grandfather (15 years deceased of lung cancer) and I were golfing and he was telling me that I had the beginning stages of throat cancer in my body and I needed to quit chewing and go to the doctor. I woke up and wrote a note to myself, dated it, put it in my top dresser drawer, and threw in a hoss.

I would quit for a week to “make sure I was in control” Ha! Then I would lock myself in the house and dip a whole can in one evening. I used pouches when I couldn’t have a fat one, and cigarettes when I was in public (read: at the bar). Nicotine had its claws in me deep when I decided enough was enough.

My brother, BigDBingo, had told me about this site last year and we were playing cards on New Year’s Eve in the old man’s garage, me with a giant lipper, when he challenged me again to quit. I realized that I had gone a week before that card game without dip and had felt good about it. The chew in my mouth started to taste like shit, I spit it out and never had another one. I logged into the site after ten days of hell because he told me to make sure I was quit before I made my promise.

I know you guys haven’t heard much from me, but I have been here everyday listening to your bullshit and your funny shit. I didn’t get involved with any of the drama and I don’t understand the unicorn joke, but that isn’t what I needed. A few of you kept me on track…

BigD- thanks for leading the way
Rkymtn- thanks for the guidance and welcome.
Masterofone- we started together, we quit together.
MikeA- babe of the day…awesome.

I didn’t give out my number to many of you because I had solid support right near me. I will still be here, lurking, staying quit. The fear has left me now and I won’t be letting it back into my life again.

Fourwide

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member fourwide