The Three Questions

Now that I’ve been here 33 days, I’ve noticed a few more cavers, and my understanding of caving has increased proportionally. (For those of you who are wondering, I’m not preparing my own cave, I’m digging my “quit hole” a bit deeper, and hoping to help some of the cavers understand why the wheels fell off their quit.)

So, after you cave, you come back here, and are presented with the demand to answer the “three questions”. Before you do that, you should answer one question for yourself: “Why the fock are you here, knowing how much shite you are going to face for caving?” I can’t help you answer this one. You know why you’re here, and what you are going to face.

However, knowing that the general gist of your answer is that you need this place in order to quit, I suggest that you take an attitude of humble receptiveness in your re-assimilation into KTC. You are going to give answers to the “three questions”. More likely than not, some of your answers will be questioned. Do not take offense at this (even when offense is intended). Most of us addicts can sniff out an addicts lie or misrepresentation, and we will be all over it. So consider the merits of each question. Search yourself for vulnerabilities, and shore them up.

Now that you have “humbled yourself up”, here are some reflections that may help you answer the three questions:

1. What happened? This can be rephrased as “How did you set yourself up for failure?”. When you cave, you build the scenario in which it is very easy to say “yes” to nicotine. The answer to this question sets up the answer to the next question.

2. Why did it happen? Depending on the addict, you can set yourself up for failure 10 times before you actually cave. The key word here is addict. The short answer is “I’m an addict, that’s what addicts do.” The long answer is much more complicated, and different for every cave. The answer to this question is the key to getting back on the quit. However, you can’t get here without answering the first question first.

Being addicted to nicotine is like having a pipeline to your body, with a valve that is “normally open”. Nicotine flows through this valve and into your body unless you consciously or unconsciously keep this valve shut. When you cave, you make a decision, at that particular moment, to let go of the valve.

So the answer to “why” is not “what made you do it?”, it’s “why did you let go of the valve?” “why did you decide, at that particular moment, not to be quit?” Don’t look outside yourself for this answer. Shite happens to all of us. It’s how we decide to react to this shite that makes us who we are.

We are addicts. We have to study addiction and addicts to know how to answer this question.

3. How are you going to keep it from happening again? Once you get past the second question, and understand your answer and your addiction, this one is pretty easy. Look at the tools you have at your disposal. Find out what other tools are out there that may be used. Figure out where you are most vulnerable, make plans not to make yourself vulnerable, and have an escape route when you find yourself vulnerable. That’s the general answer. The specific answer for each cave must be tailored to each individual.

We are all just one bad, weak decision away from caving. This is addiction. This is serious.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan community member wildirish317