The Voices In My Head

Fear me! I am strong. I am tough. I am your persona. I am tobacco.

I am your master, slave! Take me within your body for I am tobacco!

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I no longer want to.

I have found a place and people that say I can be free. They say that I can choose to save my teeth, my heart and avoid cancer. They say I can choose life, escape your bonds and walk away from the wall of addiction.

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Escape me? Escape me not! I own you. I’ve owned you for years. You worship me. You give me your money. Your give me your time. Your give me your life.

Walk away from me? Ha! I am part of you. I am part of your brain and your very being. I make grown men cry just by my mere absence. Without me, your head will hurt. You’ll not be able to think. You will miss me as the loss of a loved one. You will not be able to control your temper. Ha! You will not even be able to take a crap without me!

I am your master! Bow down! Take me within your body. I am tobacco!

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No, I quit.

My new friends tell me that your strength is limited. They tell me that you grow weaker every day I am away from you. They tell me to embrace the pain you inflict and remember it well. They say there is life without you.

As my new friends advise me, I will drink water to wash you from my body. I will use candies, sunflower seeds, gum… even a dog’s feces if necessary to stave off your incessant nagging. I am reading. I am understanding. I am learning.

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Life without me! There is no life without me.

I am your friend, lover and spouse. We go everywhere and do everything together. We share the mundane, the frightening, the grief, the joy, the relaxation and the stress. And, oh, how we make love after a meal. Together as one: through it all. I am your constant companion. I am with you, always. Think of us together, forever. You may step away from me shortly, but not forevermore.

Now, obey your master. Take me within your body. I am tobacco!

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No tobacco today.

My friends tell me to think of only today. They say that forever is simply made of a promise of today, then a repeat of today, tomorrow. So, I promise today, and think to tomorrow then.

My friends tell by planning ahead, I can do all things without you. My friends say I will see that I do not need you to find pleasure, comfort or solace. My friends tell me that you weaken each time I accomplish a task without you.

They say that you are not my friend.

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I am not your friend? How dare you!

We have been together for years. Do you not miss me? Think of all we’ve been through. Come spend time with me. You must be tired and your new friends can wait. Are you not bored? The same task, day after day? Come, we will reminisce of old times together. Come, step away from that place for awhile.

I see that those people share not your ideals. They mock your attempts at humor. They know you not as I do. I laugh at your humor. I share your ideals. Come, I will caress your ego.

Take me within your body. I am tobacco.

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No!

My friends have shown me how you lie and I will no longer listen to your lies. With my friends, we are strong and you are weak. I will not abandon my friends as they will not abandon me.

I will continue to work every day to rid you from my life. I will seek out new friends just beginning their journey and pass on the wisdom of my friends before me. Through their struggles, I will remember my own and vow to not revisit them. Together, my friends and I will find freedom.

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Do you not feel the sorrow of turning me away?

Do you not feel the sadness of my death upon your soul? Do you not feel the darkness of the abyss without me? Do you not see the endless struggle of your journey? Who are you with me? What are you without me? Why are you without me?

I see your self-loathing. I see your despair. Your very identity has vanished. You have disappeared into an abyss of darkness.

Come, I will comfort you. Only I can raise you up from the depths of despair. Take me, I am tobacco.

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No! I shall not!

I will not follow you into the abyss of depression. My friends tell me this too will pass. They speak of this veil lifting and in its place, a glorious light. And in this light I shall see; freedom.

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Just one. You can take just one of me. Only one and then continue on your journey. Just for old time’s sake. I am tobacco.

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No. You are no longer an option.

The veil is gone and I see you for what you are. You are rotten teeth and bad breath. You are heart disease. You are social rejection. You are cancer and disfigurement. You are slavery. You are disease. You are death. You … you are… you are tobacco.

I? I am free. I am free to choose.

I choose not to use tobacco today.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member sbtzc