This Time Is For Real
My story is really no different. I started dipping when I was 15 years old. I worked with a guy who dipped and for some reason one day I decided I needed to try it. The habit has been with me since. I dipped from the time that I woke up, until the time that I went to sleep. During my 13 plus years of dipping, I set many dates to quit. I said I would quit when I got married. I got married and didn’t quit. I said I would quit when my first child was born. I didn’t. I said I would quit before my second was born. I did make it 25 days that time, but my son came 7 weeks early. I caved and blamed it on the stress. Since then it has been excuse after excuse, failure after failure.
My journey began 100 days ago, when I had finally had enough. I was tired and I was ashamed of what I had become. I was tired of always depending on dip. I was tired of always having to know where my Skoal was and how much I had left. I was tired of paying for something to slowly kill me. I was ashamed that I was in fact addicted to a stupid little can. I was ashamed and my lowest point was when my three year old son asked me “Daddy, can I have some icky.” Needless to say, changes had to be made.
November 26, 2007 was the day that I said goodbye to dipping. My first day, I was excited and determined to get through this. By day three I was an absolute wreck. I couldn’t concentrate, I was dizzy, angry, and I felt like everything was moving in slow motion. I just wanted to curl up in my bed and cry. I was reading everything, chewing gum, drinking tons of water. I was in hell and teetering on the edge, but I knew that I didn’t want to fail again. Then on day 4 of my quit I got additional support, I found killthecan.org. I signed up, not knowing what to expect. In my first few days after signing up and posting roll I received personal messages offering words of encouragement and phone numbers. I was blown away at the amount of support that was given. It made me realize that I didn’t have to do this alone, so I sucked it up and kept going.
From there the days started adding up. I underwent many changes. Food tasted better than it ever had. I ate a ton. I also became very emotional. I was at times angry waiting to explode. I was at times sad and I felt like crying for no apparent reason. I was depressed because it felt like I lost my best friend. I was happy to not be a slave. I was slowly recovering.
During my quit I have spent countless hours here. I hung out in the chat room, I made friends, I looked through posts, and I read anything and everything many times over. Anything that helped me battle my demons. I also had low points…the funk hit me at day 22, around 60, and in the mid 80’s. There were times when I just wanted to give up, but I didn’t, if for no other reason than I didn’t want to let down myself or those who have helped me get to this point. I have used the advice and knowledge that I have gained to let go of my past and move forward dip free.
Now, I sit here at 100 days and I smile. I smile because 100 days ago “I told myself that this time is for real” and now I believe it. I smile because I know that this battle will continue to get easier. I smile reflecting on my journey thus far. I smile thinking of the friends I have made here and the impact they have had on my quit. I smile knowing that now it is my turn to “Pay it Forward”. I smile because today I can honestly say that I am “Free”.
I appreciate the support of the fellow quitters here. To the guys that run this site, I thank you for the time you spend keeping this place going. To my March Brothers thank you for going through this with me…seeing you post roll everyday has given me the strength I have needed to continue. To the people I have been fortunate enough to chat with, Thank You, it has meant a lot to me. To my wife, thank you for putting up with me and picking up the slack at home. You and our boys have been my biggest supporters, so for that, I am glad I quit. To my family, thank you for all the encouragement. You all have been a significant part of my quit and that has been everything. Again, thank you all for supporting and believing in me, especially during the times when I barely believed in myself.
Bman
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member bman50317
