What I Have Learned

112 days ago, I learned that I was an addict.

112 days ago, I learned I was taking something away from the three most important people in my life.

112 days ago, I realized I was not alone.

112 days ago, I learned that I must never use nicotine again in any form.

I chose to begin dipping when I was 25 years old; I was a college graduate with a degree in engineering. I had successfully avoided even recreational tobacco use through college, yet at the age of 25 I decided I needed to try this dip thing as a reason to have something in common with my boss and coworkers at my new job. 11 years later I am up to three-quarters of a can of Cope a day. I was a successful ninja dipper; something I thought made me unique. Until I found KTC, which is where I found out I was not alone.

I had tried to quit many times before, only caving and begin using more heavily than before.

When I found KTC, I learned so much about myself and my addiction that it made me determined to quit.

As embarrassing as this is for me to say, it took this site to show me that I was putting a poisonous addiction before my wife and kids. I don’t know where I read it but somewhere on here it says “When you are lying in a hospital bed, how are you going to look into your family’s eyes and tell them you loved the nic bitch more than them”? It was at this moment I realized how selfish I had become. I had a dip in when I read that . . . I spit it out and tossed the can, signed up and posted day one the following morning.

I learned that I was an addict, and how I needed to give up all nicotine . . . forever. This was a big moment in my quit, I had always hoped to quit, and become a “recreational dipper” . . . only when golfing, only when out with guys etc. Thanks to KTC I learned I had to give up the New Year’s cigar. I will be honest, 112 days ago this didn’t sit well with me, These guys don’t know what they are talking about is what I thought, a cigar at new years, a cigarette at a the bar with the guys won’t matter, but whatever, I will post roll and “quit for today”. At my days quit grew, I believed that I would never use nicotine again.

The first two weeks of my quit, I swear I read everything on this site and to me that is the most important thing anyone who is thinking about quitting needs to do. Being an engineer, I am always thinking about the consequences of my decisions, how my change to a design will affect the final product. By reading this site I found out how nicotine lies and confuses you, how it truly affects your mind and body. Because of everything I read, nothing that happened in the first 112 days surprised me much. And hopefully nothing in the future will catch me off guard either.

The first month I had night sweats, enough that the Mrs. AJ needed to change the sheets in the morning, no surprise, I knew this could be coming.

I got serious craves due to “triggers”, again not a big deal I had read about these and I had a plan. (I still crave after I eat an Egg McMuffin).

I went golfing last week for the first time this spring, I got a major crave, again not a big deal I anticipated this and had a plan. A tin of Smokey Mountain and some seeds did the trick, I now know during my next round the craves will not be as strong.

Last week at work, out of nowhere I have urge for a pinch, it caught me off guard a bit, but again thanks to KTC, I knew what I needed to do, I had a plan. I did something else, and it passed.

In closing, I apologize for my ramblings, believe it or not, I am actually a pretty good public speaker, but for some reason this was the hardest speech I have ever needed to write.

I also want to thank my 3-Balled brothers in May; you guys helped me more than you know. I may not have been the most active, and didn’t need the three-balled network until day 99, but you guys mean the world to me. Even though I don’t know you, I cared enough about your quit, that I wanted to keep my word every day, because of you I didn’t cave on day 10, 50 or 80.

Finally, thanks to the guys who founded this site, you have helped me accomplish something that I thought couldn’t be done, you have helped me find freedom from an addiction I didn’t understand, you helped put my addiction in perspective. My family and I owe you more than words can say; you helped me save my life!

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member associatejohn