You and I Will Never Be Fully Free

First of all, I am grateful for my Jabberwockies in January 2024, and the entire KTC community for showing me the way. I was only 23 years old when I joined, but I felt that I fully wanted and was ready to quit. I came to KTC on my fourth day and had an incredible group of fellow quitters that have helped me, vented with me, and supported me to reach the 200 + day mark.

I would say about 80% of my friends use nicotine in one form or another. I see it all the time. I live with users who are addicted. I was no better or perhaps worse than they were. I came to this group with the hope that I will be free from nicotine’s clutches. But after 200 + days I have realized I will never be fully free and that is okay.

You can see the chain nicotine has on anyone who uses it. Addicts will always be addicts. We have all seen it first-hand. This is a place where you recognize that you simply cannot quit without the help of others. If I was able to quit on my own, I would have quit when I was in high school when I couldn’t go a full school day without jonesing for a rip. In reality we all will not be free from the clutches of nicotine, that’s not how addiction works.

We can never have just one. That is not how this works. We can’t and won’t stop thinking about nicotine. That is not how this works. If I just stopped thinking about nicotine and my quit, I would cave. It is not about the number you post daily. It is about your promise to care about your quit as much as the brothers and sisters next to you who are posting that same promise. This community is in place to remind us daily that we cannot use nicotine no matter what. Like the mentors who have shown me the way have said “If you’re not planning your quit, you’re planning your cave”

Our promises each day are an understanding from all of us that we will never be fully free – that we are choosing to be free from the clutches of nicotine but are aware that one slip can give the nic bitch all it needs to pull you right back in. It is a REMINDER of your quit and you should take pride in that number and your OWN quit. You and I will never be fully free, and we know that.

– Bomba (Jan 24)